by Kristen Marano 

Ross lost her brother to a heart attack in April 2007.  Soon after, she realized that finding some support to deal with the loss would be helpful.  She decided to attend New Beginnings, a bereavement support group facilitated by The Dorothy Ley Hospice.

New Beginnings supports individuals, families, friends and community members through the grief process.  Sessions combine education and mutual support. Participants share their feelings, learn about and discuss topics such as the six central needs of mourning and they have the chance to express their grief through art therapy and writing.

"New Beginnings made me do the necessary work to confront my grief, giving me permission to dig deep and understand the emotions I was hiding behind a mask in public," says Ross, married with two sons aged 26 and 31. "It was reassuring to know others in the room had experienced a loss, because it meant I didn't have to explain anything."

During the weekly sessions, Ross and the others openly shared their emotions, tears and laughter.  Most importantly, they made a genuine emotional connection because they could all understand and support each other's grief without explanation.  As a result, what began as a gathering of total strangers soon became a close circle of friends. 

"I'm struck by how participants support each other with care, empathy, compassion and non-judgment, where one individual's story validates another's dilemma," says Peggy Moore, volunteer co-facilitator of New Beginnings, who worked with Ross' group. "Our society doesn't support a healthy grief process, often encouraging those grieving to get over their loss quickly." 

Ross often had friends asking "aren't you over it yet?" Through New Beginnings she says it was a relief connecting with people who understood her ups and downs, and allowed her to be herself and feel her emotions.

The New Beginnings session Ross attended included six women and one man, Ross's husband. They found the eight-week program too short and agreed to continue meeting weekly until November 2007 from each other's homes. The group followed the original agenda, set rules to stay on topic, and extended the length of weekly meetings.  A year later, the group still meets regularly, though not as often.  They phone each other to check in, listen, and celebrate anniversaries to honour the brothers, mothers and spouses they've lost.

 "As we improved along our journeys of grief, we complimented each other in ways that we wouldn't have received from family or friends," says Ross. "Their words of encouragement instilled confidence to take another step forward in my new life."

Moore offers simple suggestions for family and friends to support a grieving person which include offering space to be an active listener or sounding board: staying calm in the face of an individual's anxiety and sadness, trying not to fix things or offer explanations, and to hear their stories continuously as needed.

Dr. Dorothy Ley said, "Most people will not need bereavement therapy, but will need recognition that someone in their lives is gone." Healing and renewed hope for the grieving person comes with time, and Ross is a shining example.  She cherishes memories of her brother, moves forward thinking of him sometimes, and recognizes the importance of taking care of herself.

New Beginnings is held three times a year on consecutive Tuesdays from 7:30 p.m. to 9:30 p.m.
For more information and/or to register, call the Hospice at 416-626-0116.